Vaccine Rollout: How the Covid Meal Deal was born!
In 2020 Kakistan was in the grips of a pandemic much like the rest of the world. the COVID-19 pandemic the Kakistani Government needed to act fast to find a solution.
In 2020 Kakistan was in the grips of a pandemic much like the rest of the world. the COVID-19 pandemic the Kakistani Government needed to act fast to find a solution. Fortunately, Kakistan is an island and it was quickly sealed of from the world after the initial wave of Covid-19 cases with strong border protection. No one was getting in or out of Kakistan while the pandemic was raging around the world, except those with an exemption like; politicians, ex-politicians, politicians family, politicians pets, the rich (via their own private jets), sporting teams, the famous (sports stars, movie stars) etc. We were all in this together was the message. Emergency powers were enacted into law and strict public health orders were enforced. This strategy became the envy of the world as cases remained low.
The Government knew this was an unsustainable strategy and needed a plan to get back to normal. Consultation was sought and after months of discussion, modelling and deliberations a A3 plan was produced. Part of the plan was to develop a locally produced vaccine and place orders for an overseas produced vaccine if one became available. After massive funding by the Government the local vaccine looked promising at first but had the undesired effect of making you test HIV positive, this thought to be unacceptable to the general public and was quickly swept under the carpet and never spoken of again.
Even at this early stage the Government knew it would be a logistical nightmare to rollout vaccines if and when they became available so they sought a public private partnership with Kakistans biggest public companies to help them with testing and vaccine delivery. The three companies chosen as rollout partners were the big three fast food chains. McKakikis (Makas), Kakaki Fried Chicken (KFC) and Brown Rooster a local chicken franchise. These three would be perfect, they already had cold storage supplies chains, large carparks with drive through facilities and most importantly the trust of the Kakaki people.
Unfortunately, someone forgot to promptly order the overseas vaccines when they became available so the Government had to find a way out of this mess. They went to their rollout partners to see if they could help. Luckily, the fast food retailers had been secretly working on their own plans for an oral vaccine after noticing that children that ate their kid's meals were re-markedly unaffected by Covid-19. The kids meals contained a different type of sauce to that found in their regular adult meals. They concluded that the effect must be due to the "special sauce". The Government was thrilled with this and said "lets go ahead" and try it, however, they knew the public would be skeptical and asked that a special saline injection also be administered by a registered nurse or doctor at the same time (this saline solution is know to be safe and in-effective and is often used as a placebo). The trial rollout began 1/6/21 and data were recorded for the following 28 days see figure 1 below for results. As you can see the results were remarkable after only the first dose only 10-20% of the cases were in the "single dosed" and an even smaller percentage were in the doubly vaccinated. It was beginning to look like it was going to be a "pandemic of the un-vaccinated" as 80-90% of the cases hadn't yet been vaccinated.
Definitions:
Two effective doses: Cases reported as having received two effective doses have received their second vaccine dose at least 14 days prior to known exposure to COVID-19.
One effective dose: Cases reported as having one effective dose received their first dose of a two-dose vaccination course at least 21 days prior to known exposure to COVID-19, or received their second dose of a two-dose vaccination course less than 14 days prior to known exposure to COVID-19.
No effective dose: Cases reported as no effective dose received their first dose of a two-dose vaccination course less than 21 days prior to known exposure to COVID-19, or have not received any vaccine dose. Using the phrase “no effective dose” indicates that an insufficient period of time has elapsed to allow for maximal immune response provided by the vaccine. It does not indicate that vaccines are ineffective.
Based on data above and modelling below (see figure 2 below) the Covid Meal Deal (TM) was born.
The Vaccine Ponzi Scheme
Figure 2 above shows that up until early 2022 the ratio of "vaccinated" to "un-vaccinated" will never fall below one so the program will appear to be a success it will appear to be success in the minds of the numerically illiterate public (above 80% until September). As apparent effectiveness starts to decline we can call "waning" a new variant may come along that will be a "game changer". As it continues to "wane" we can initiate a booster program at about 50% apparent effectiveness (early November) and start the whole cycle over again. This can be done over and over again as long as there is enough vaccine uptake. A vaccination Ponzi Scheme, where the promise of future rewards and risk of loss to your existing investment makes those already in the scheme keen to re-invest. A perfect plan!
The Covid Meal Deal is here!
Available free, for a limited time only:
for 16 year old (Kids Meals coming soon)
subject to Government terms and conditions*.
Meal of your choice containing Covid-19 "special sauce".
Vaccination card, collect two and you will be eligible for special free membership deals (available only to the doubly vaccinated).
One A4 sheet of paper containing all you need to know about the risks and benefits of the special sauce.
One informed consent and liability waiver that must be signed and acknowledged before consuming the food or receiving an injection.
One saline (placebo) injection administered by our local friendly medical practitioner.
* The Government may at any time change the terms and conditions, including number of vaccination cards required to remain eligible for membership benefits. Membership benefits may be revoked and restored at the discretion of the Government. Senior card holders will be served first, younger groups will be served subject to availability.